”What did I just do?”
“How did I watch that?”
“What was I thinking?”
These are just a few thoughts that went through my mind as I knelt in front of a toilet, vomiting food and confusion, after watching porn for the first time.
Looking back, I shake my head cause growing up in a Christian home I knew better.
I knew that it involved lust, fornication, adultery, and idolatry, to just name a few.
Unfortunately, I also knew it fed my curiosity.
It helped me see what I felt I’d never experience, seemingly filling a void that had been there for years.
It appeared to be the answer to a problem greater than myself.
So, whether it physically made me sick or spiritually drained my spirit, I didn’t care because what was most important were my feelings, not my Father’s desires.
I was finally putting me first, no matter the cost.
Now some of you may wonder how the bible-toting, tongue-talking, foot-stomping pew baby ended up here.
Well, it all started around 2005, when I was 10 years old...