Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

who is the fairest of them all?

Who is able to wear the best mask

and present the “realest” facade?

Who is able to act like everything is ok

and nothing is wrong?

That their life isn’t twisting & turning,

like the beat to your favorite love song.

A little time ago my vote would have been for me,

you see,

I was great at covering up my emotions

and hiding my fears.

In a cute outfit, wearing foundation & a smile,

when my spiritual foundation was so unclear.

Walking around swinging my hair w/ lips poppin’,

painted w/ color and lies,

saying that I trusted the Lord when my real question was always, “Why?”

Why was my faithfulness unappreciated?

Why did God’s doors play tricks on me?

Open. Close. Open. Close.

Making me wonder if I was a child of God 

or just another Pharisee.

But I couldn’t show that.

Couldn’t admit that w/ a book & a “name”

I was still unfullfilled.

So used to saying Immanuel

I didn’t want to admit that I was creeping back to the little girl questioning God’s will.

Faces mixed with tongues & hand waves

lead to a face so good I began to fool myself,

convinced that God was all I needed

when I really felt like an empty well.

Needing someone to fill me up,

to quench my thirst & give me peace.

Recognizing it couldn’t be done by money or fame

or by a man calling me a queen.

I needed time with the King

to pour out my heart and soul.

For Him to remind me that I was a jewel

and that His blood washed me white as snow.

I needed to let Him know I was fearful of faith

because it required releasing control.

It meant that even if my dreams weren’t realize

I had to have joy unspeakable.

I didn’t know if I could keep that promise.

I didn’t know if that dedication could come from me.

I didn’t once again want to lie and say “I DO”,

when my heart was truly saying “MAYBE”.

Thankfully, I got my audience w/ the King,

and I released every fear and doubt.

I discussed my concerns & emotions,

and how the confidence I once had in His word had become a faint shout.

Amazingly, He heard my cry,

with no judgment or disgrace.

Instead He took me into His arms,

reminding me that I could always seek His face.

He also reminded me that He cannot lie,

meaning everything He promised would come to pass.

All He needed was for me to be satisfied in Him, so I could be free at last.

So, mirror, mirror on the wall,

when I look into you today,

I see a strong, faithful child of God,

and that reflection’s here to stay.

© 2020 by Amber Gardner | Step By Step